Even though you may want to move forward in life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life.
~Mary Manin Morrisey~
There are some days that I am quite sure that I give too
much, open up my heart too easily and let people mean a lot to me entirely too
quickly. Then there are others when I say to myself if you don’t give a little
and have a little faith you will never experience the joys of friendship, love,
companionship or affection. More and more often now though I wonder if the pain
of being let down by the people you give a little to isn’t a lot more impactful
that the joys.
I love people. I love watching them, observing their
interactions; I love laughing with them, chatting with them, teaching them and
just being quiet with them. I think that it is clear that I enjoy these
activities more and more with people that mean something to me. But does that love make me too vulnerable?
What comes to mind as I have this debate with myself is that cartoon where the
girl keeps her heart in a box to protect herself. How many times has that cartoon
passed your newsfeed and you thought, I know how she feels, I know why she did
it and I admire the courage she has to open the box and try again.
But is it really courage? Or is it just wishful thinking? Is
being guarded with your heart and your emotions so wrong? It gets so
frustrating to make the decision to be more open, give someone that little bit
more of your time and your heart and then they let you down. It is not only
frustrating, it hurts! It makes you lose faith in yourself and what you have to
offer in a relationship or to anyone that you want to value you. I can hear all
the women who love me yelling at me and saying “Tara, honey, how many times do
we have to say it is not your fault; you did your best and you cannot always
blame yourself”. I agree with them in my mind, I do, I really do … but my heart
and my spirit wonders; is it so obvious that there is something wrong with me?
Don’t I have enough? Am I not enough? Is there something else I could have
done? Should I just not bother because it will never work out how I want it to
anyway?
Sigh … I don’t know if there is a lot more that I can say
here … maybe what I am looking for is more of a conversation … what do you
think? Is being guarded so wrong?
Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for
Bob Marley
you can find the complete comic I have referred to here: http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/this-comic-about-love-will-touch-your-heart/
Great read, Ms. T! I must confess, I've read this article 3 times already... and each time I'm hit by a wave of emotions especially towards the end. I'm not usually in this situation, as I'm a glutton for raw, deep, intense emotional connections and I am know for jumping in head-first, despite the sometimes painful consequences. I'm also huge on the high of the "initial connection".. its so much easier to open up to some people than others. My struggle comes when I don't have that organic chemistry with the other person.
ReplyDeleteI didn't realise you posted this here as well ... I replied on Facebook. I am so glad that you can connect with what I have said, writing some of these blogs has gotten so personal. It takes so much emotion for me to write them that I am glad that someone else can feel something, anything when they read it.
DeleteHowever ... the high of that initial connection!!! That is so well put Abi, there is a high every time you see, hear, think about, smell that person you feel like you would fly for them. They make you smile, they make you feel warm inside, they make you want to please them always, be with them always. There are just some people that you connect with and that connection entices you to trust, to be more open, to give that little bit extra ... but... Sigh!! Is that all I should listen to?
Most of us at some point experience this dilemma. Should we love....and if so how hard? And then we ask, “What if it doesn't work out? What if he leaves me? and what if he horns me? Trying again is both courageous and wishful thinking but guarding your heart is just a defense mechanism that propels our minds to transform us into beings under emotional control. There is no wrong or right here. However it is a great disservice to ourselves when we scrutinize our lives through the eyes of those who have hurt us. We will never be enough and we will always be enough. So be guarded…..just understand that that in itself is a state of vulnerability.
ReplyDeleteBlondie... I always appreciate your point of view, but there is something here that struck me particularly. "It is a great disservice to ourselves when we scrutinize our lives through the yes of those who have hurt us." It is like giving them the upper hand and letting them win isn't it? pain should make us stronger but no less willing to love.
DeleteI have been hurt but that does not stop me from beginning each friendship or relationship on a clean slate, open and as free as possible from all past insecurities. Getting hurt is a part of life; I see it like getting sick. You don't always know when it will happen and sometimes you don't know why. But you don't live in a bubble so that you never get sick, do you? And how much fun is it gong through life taking every possible precaution against getting sick?? It really is OK to live. We all survive the hurt and continue to love and live.
ReplyDeleteThere is no like button here ... but I really like this comment. I have gotten a lot to consider both here, on Facebook and via private call or message.
DeleteThe hurt allows your heart to grow. If you never open up and always protect your heart it stays the same...it is not strengthened. You learn nothing. Hurt and pain is like exercise for the heart. these hearts of ours are built to withstand a lot.Love this post. Love you T.
ReplyDeleteNadia, I am so glad that so many people can relate to this post. I think after everything that I have read, heard and thought about since I posted it I have come to a few conclusions. We are all to experience pain, I agree with you. That pain strengthens us, I agree with you again. But I am beginning to think we should give ourselves time to heal from pain and reinforce that strengthening before we move on to something new. That may not be so for everyone, there are many that find love while in a floundering relationship and it works for them.
ReplyDeleteWe need to be more understanding of ourselves and of others. Take time to know who we are and what we have learnt and then take time to enjoy the new experience.