An Old Debate: Instant vs. Growing Attraction

I don't have a type. But one thing I can say from my dating experience is that physical attraction will only take you so far. So you definitely have to have a strong intellectual connection as well 

~Jesse Metcalfe~

I recently had a conversation with someone (you know the usual); one of those conversations that has been on your mind and made you have a good long think. What makes any of these two better than the other? Why do some people value instant attraction over growing affection?

I am cynical enough or maybe I am just scarred enough to slightly distrust instant attraction, largely because those people that you are instantly attracted to are those people who attract you on looks alone. So what if they are hot? I am not denying the pull of someone who is just pleasing to the eye, but how many times has one conversation with that person made them so very unattractive after that? Please, please, please do not kill me and do not get all up in arms, because I have also experienced, heard of and respect the opposite situation where that first conversation and all the other experiences that follow the initial attraction only make the attraction and affection deepen.  I have a number of good looking friends, male and female who I am sure would knock me out if I didn’t think that good looking people are worth the time.  Despite my own not so good experiences I still appreciate instant attraction and as with all opposites there is something to be said about each side of this argument.

There are many who argue that the opposite is not possible. In fact, some argue that people are always only drawn to others by their looks. I completely disagree!! Have you ever sat in a group of people having a conversation, listening to their views on a variety of sometimes innocuous, sometimes serious, sometimes downright hilarious topics and been drawn to one person? Not drawn to their looks, but drawn to them? Sometimes it is not even that the person speaks up often, but there is just something about them, how they view the world and how they speak about it that starts to make you see them differently? We are not only drawn to the physical, well I can’t say it for everyone, but many people are not only drawn to the physical. Sometimes affection and attraction and oftentimes love grow from something very simple: maybe a conversation, maybe a shared passion, maybe a shared experience; but does that make what those people feel any less real than those whose attraction was instant?

That is where the conversation I had started; an accusation that because feelings grew rather than there being an instant attraction they were somehow less, somehow not natural and therefore maybe not right. Is it necessary to think that any one of these situations is better than the other? That the way feelings develop makes one situation more worthy than the other? Or is it right to think that one of these situations is more likely to be successful in the long run when it comes to love and relationships?

I don’t think so… what about you?

#instantattraction #growing affection #anolddebate

A Funny Story

He that loves reading has everything within his reach

~William Godwin~

I had the most interesting experience recently that left me wondering if I should shake my head in disgust at myself, laugh uproariously at myself or just chalk it up to a sign of the times.

I was so excited about not doing any work over the Christmas break; no academic reading, no tutorials and no regular trips to the office… WONDERFUL!! Just a few weeks to balance myself out, remind myself why I was fighting this fight, enjoy the little things, eat plenty and read for pleasure … hmmmm … there is a sound I want to make here but how do I describe it? It is accompanied by my eyes rolling into the back of my head, and is similar to that sound a woman makes when sinking her teeth into a chocolate when she really really needs it. I hope you can hear it now.

Reading used to be one of my favourite past times. There is something about sinking into someone else’s story when it is well written that is fantastic. I could get lost for hours in a book. I would get lost in that story and the images in my mind to accompany that story were so much better than TV for me. With books, you get to see the inner workings of the characters’ minds, not just see what they are experiencing or rely on their facial expressions. You get to read their thoughts, experience everything with them and despite the fact that television can still afford you this experience in its own way I was always more of a reader.  I am one of those persons who can read a book and burst out laughing, cry, and experience a world of emotions as the characters that I grow attached to do. There is just something about reading a good book. I think reading used to be one of the few things that would stop me from eating. Unheard of I know, but not for too long because the headache would stop me from reading so I would have to get up and eat with the book in my hand to prevent that.

Anyway a friend has lent me the Harry Potter series and I went home all excited about reading it from the beginning having read them all before (ages ago) and seeing what the connections were from book one to the final book. If there is one series of books I enjoyed it was this one; they had a definitive beginning and end, and were not just drawn out for being drawn out sake. I grew up with the characters (don’t mind they were younger than me) and it was pleasure to read something so fantastical but still very down to earth in its way.

So I set the scene; (lol) turned off the lights in the rest of the flat, checked the fridge door to make sure I had it closed, checked to make sure the oven and the central heating were off, lit my candles, turned off the bedroom light and cosied up in my bed and picked up the book, all anticipatory. Then I realised, wait a minute this is a real book not an e-book, there is no back light, I am not swiping pages here, I have to turn actual paper pages so I can’t see without the bedroom light. I think I burst out laughing at first thinking how stupid it was to do that and then I mulled it over and wondered “when last have I read a paper book?” I bought three books already for the season and read them all on my phone (twice). It was a little ridiculous but it was also just a little (I hope) stupid. I knew it was a real book, I knew I needed the light but I had just gone through my usual routine without really thinking about it and that included turning the bedroom light off. So the next question was, did I want to read this book enough to get out of the bed which was now a little warmer with me in it and turn on the light?

What a conundrum!!

Laughter is an instant vacation 

~Milton Berle~

New Year's Greetings ... Defying Gravity

I think I'll try

Defying Gravity 

And you can't pull me down 

~ Defying Gravity from the musical Wicked~ 

It is 2015. Happy New Year to everyone!! Sometimes that sounds so trite, but I want you all to know that if it was possible to wish happiness, productivity and success into each of your lives that is what I would do for you. However, what I hope we are realising as we grow is that we cannot only rely on wishes but we have to put in the hard work, perseverance and patience (all the corny, responsible, boring stuff) to make sure we see our dreams come true. 

That wasn’t quite how I wanted to get started. New Year time usually makes you reflective and it is so cool to be able to look back over a year of blogs and see what I have done and what I have professed to learn and remind myself of some of the experiences I have had. I think my first observation is that I really need to be more consistent with my blogs; I had a total of what 18 or so last year (shame). Anyway … let’s talk about the Holiday Season…

The Highlights of My Season

Hmmm … Last Christmas was the first one away from home and I talked about all the things I missed. I didn’t talk about the beginning of new traditions though and one of the new traditions I am enjoying is my Christmas Skype calls. If there is one day you will get as many of my family members together as possible it is Christmas Day so getting a Skype Call from my granny’s and my auntie’s house where the congregations occur is always wonderful and eventful and a lovely tradition that I hope continues. I get to talk to everybody, (especially those people I wouldn’t regularly chat with but still want to see) I get to feel included and it makes me feel great to see everyone all together and note that the older traditions are still holding strong.

This Christmas however, I was thrilled to be allowed to share baby’s first Christmas with family in England. Very few of us actually remember our first Christmas but I LOVED being there to observe his first. Life is so simple when you are wee; (do you hear the Scottish sneaking in?) you get loads of presents from people you hardly remember, you enjoy the wrapping and the boxes more than you enjoy the actual presents (or so it would appear) and everything is fun as you are usually the centre of attention. Made me want to be the child on occasion, but more than that it was so wonderful to be there and be part of the reason that child was smiling so broadly and gurgling so happily.

I LOVE swings!!! How is it that I was so blissfully unaware of the number of parks around with beautiful trails, and SWINGS!!! I have been on swings three times throughout the Christmas period; twice in England (see why it is important to have children around?) and once in Scotland and each experience was brilliant!!! Swinging makes you feel so free, uninhibited, childlike and happy. I always get off of a swing with the biggest grin on my face and feeling wonderful. So I have had that experience thrice across the season and located the park nearest to me to make sure I don’t miss out on that simple and happy feeling too much.

I am hoping this joy and relaxation will carry me through the first part of the year at least. I hope that you can sit and think about the highlights of your season and smile and I look forward to re-reading more than 18 blogs at the beginning of 2016.

I couldn't resist giving you a taste of the song that is playing in my head whenever I think about being on a swing :) Have a listen to the link below... I promise it is worth it!!
Defying Gravity - Barefoot @ the Symphony