Stage 2 - Data Collection

I'm trying to stay as calm as possible and focus one day at a time, but when reality sets in, I feel everything: anxiety, excitement, nerves, pressure and joy. 

~Shawn Johnson~

Some days I am so uncertain; uncertain that I made the right move or took the right fork in the road. Then I have to say to myself – ‘Well there is no turning back now so get on with it and learn from it.’ Then there are other days where I am so happy with the turn I took that I wonder where the uncertainty came from because I am absolutely certain I will make it to the end of the road somehow happy with my journey.

Well with all that being said I am enjoying my data collection. First I am happy just because I am actually doing data collection, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it this far at some point but I did!! Secondly, I have met or spoken to some pretty amazing and adventurous people. I guess another thing that I am enjoying, is that I get to explore the ‘why’ of these adventurous peoples’ behaviour and particularly why they are so different from me :) Wonderful!!! Thirdly, I am having to step out of my comfort zone and go to some lengths I didn’t anticipate  to find participants for this first stage of the data collection (as demonstrated 2 blogs ago) so I am learning more about myself and what I am willing to do to succeed.

Something else that has come from being at a different stage of my research is the discovery of it all. Did I mention that this means that I am not currently reading literature! A huge thumbs up – and yes I know I have to go back but I am not doing it now… and I have drifted. Back to the point – the fact that I am taking all those months of reading and shaping it into something that I can present as my own is overwhelming, satisfying and comforting if only because I have gotten so far.

Moreover, there is also this school of thought that you have to come into research with a passion for your subject matter. Hey! I don’t debate that that works and I am sure many a successful body of research is completed when the researcher starts the process with an intense passion. However, I am learning that, as with some other things in life, passion can develop later in the research process. One cannot develop a passion for something unless you have been exposed to it in some way, and heaven knows that what I have settled on researching I only became aware of very recently but that does not mean that I am not enjoying learning about it, revelling in my development and soaking it all up like a sponge. I am collecting data!!! Sound de horn!!!!

The Lion King – an explosion of colour

Hakuna Matata :) 

Before someone cuts off my fingers because I have taken too long to type this review on The Lion King at the Lyceum Theatre in London, here it is. I have had very mixed feelings about writing this blog about my feelings on the musical version of The Lion King because I have only ever heard very good things about it; and although I enjoyed it and there are elements of it that were wondrous it just did not match Wicked for me.

Now let me explain that statement. The Lion King on stage is brilliant, beautiful and it is clear why it won awards for best costumes. It is amazing to watch something you have seen in an animated format brought to life on stage. It must be particularly hard on the actors because everyone (well maybe only almost everyone) has some measuring stick to judge you against when they sit to watch the musical. One of the first things you have to admire was that they stayed true to the plot and script as much as was possible, but it also meant that very little was a surprise when it came to the script except the few changes that kept you awake.

There is no way to describe how the use of colour, stage, costumes, entrances and exits and the theatre in general brought this musical to life. The cast were throughout the theatre at various stages of the production making the audience feel more involved in what was happening. At some points in time you had no idea where to look because there was something happening in the aisles, something on the stage or something on the level above you that you needed to see.

To illustrate my point, another thing that made my experience even more enthralling was that I went to a matinee show near the end of the school term so you can imagine the number of children in the theatre. At the very beginning of the production when the noise level was really high I figured it would settle eventually but they seemed to be taking too long even in my estimation so I looked back to see what was keeping them that buzzed and there was this elephant meandering down the aisle. I felt like a child in my own reaction; I believe my mouth dropped open and then I settled into a huge smile. Throughout the production you could not stop admiring how the cast embodied the animals they were representing, they were lithe, accurate (is that the right word?), just beautiful. You cannot fault the production when it comes to this; it was just amazing. It takes talent and creativity to figure out what the costumes would look like and how they would be moved in the first place, but it also took talent, creativity and style just to make the use of them so believable and captivating.

Similar to the costumes was the stage; the stampede scene was brilliant, how they did that on stage was just remarkable. The stage’s rises and falls, movement and flexibility for the various elements that they had to portray rose to the challenge and in some cases exceeded your expectations for what could be done with stage. It is important at this point to remind my readers that I am still a baby in the musical world so my feelings could be influenced by the novelty of the whole thing for me.

However, the singing and music although very good just did not touch Wicked’s for me, and you would imagine as a singer that that particular element would be more important to me. That being said, for me, Rafiki was the highlight of the show when it came to this aspect of the production, with her powerful voice and commanding presence; her character and her singing were excellent!!!

Also of note for me were the drums, African dance and those little elements that reminded me of home which not only added to the authenticity of the production but made me feel happy. It was also great to see cast members from not only Barbados but Jamaica and St. Vincent, woohoo!!!!

Another great experience under my belt! Another reason to smile! Another dream realised!!

Looking for participants - Detailing my criteria

Data, I think is one of the most powerful mechanisms for telling stories. I take a huge pile of data and I try to get it to tell stories. 

~Steven Levitt~

A little background
I am in the more exciting part of my PhD process; the data collection phase. Well I guess I should say that it is the more exciting part of the process for me, but why it is exciting for me is another blog which is currently off to the editor. 

At this first stage of my data collection, I am having short chats with persons about why they engage in activities with service brands online. That seems simple enough to me, because all you ever hear is how much time everyone spends online. Well let me tell you that finding persons that meet my very interesting criteria is not as easy as it sounds. It proves especially difficult when I start to get confused about who I am looking for (shame). My confusion leads to more confusion and therefore leads to interviews with delightful people who I really want to include in my study but who get the no no no from my supervisor. My poor supervisor, who is of late having a dandy time trying to keep my enthusiasm from sweeping me along with the tide :) 

This blog is therefore a simple way for me to let you guys know who I would like to chat with.  Honestly, the chats are not too long, pretty painless and can be done face to face or online if we are too far apart or if it is more convenient, according to the wants and needs of the individual. 

The criteria

So... I am looking for individuals who are: 

• Active on Facebook and/or Twitter 
• Follow or like service brands such as hotels, restaurants, pubs, bars, salons etc
• Tweet about any service brands using their handle and/or
• Post to any service brand's Facebook page

Unfortunately I am not looking for individuals who: 

• are Active Bloggers
• are Professional Reviewers
• only Check in at locations on Facebook or Instagram without any other interaction

Like I said, I know it is not the easiest to follow so I have a few pics to illustrate what I mean. 

An appropriate tweet can look like the pic to the left here.

While an example of an appropriate post on Facebook would appear on the service brand's Facebook page. It would fall under the posts to page section on the left of the Facebook page as circled in the following illustration. It could also appear in the reviews section of the service brand's Facebook page also circled in the accompanying illustration.

If you meet this criteria, or you have a friend who meets this criteria and is willing to have a chat with me whether face to face or online please contact me using the following information:

Email address: tara.goddard@strath.ac.uk
Twitter Handle: @taraagoddard

I am happy to speak to anyone who speaks English and meets the criteria that I have tried to clearly outline in this blog!

As the challenges of my PhD journey continue, I try to collect the data that will allow me to tell the stories of the customer...

 

A Fun & Interesting Experience - Magna Carta

I recently had the pleasure of a short trip to give me a little break and enjoy the musical, The Lion King, in London. However this blog is not about the Lion King; I will post that next time. Today, I believe it is fitting that I start with my first activity while in London - viewing the exhibition which has been put together to celebrate the 800^th anniversary of the Magna Carta.

Now honestly, History was never one of my strong points. I remember History at CXC (O level examinations run by the Caribbean Examinations Council); more accurately I remember that I sat the examination. I honestly remember little else, it was a choice between that and Geography and I thought I would fare better with History ... Ah Well :) I should however point out that I did enjoy my History classes and do not regret doing it, I had a dynamic and interesting teacher who was so passionate about the topic that he inspired you to be interested and do well. I passed so he had to be pretty damn good.

So I set off to see this exhibition because I figured I wasn’t staying too far from the British Library and it would kill some time. I would see some statues and stuff, look at some material on this thing I knew nothing about and be out in a couple of minutes. Well maybe going in with such low expectations was a good thing and then maybe again it could be said that the British Museum put me firmly in my place. I was wowed! I thoroughly enjoyed the exhibition for so many reasons, that I had to buy a book to make notes so that the old memory would get them all in the blog.

First, the exhibition started with a short video which ran every couple minutes and gave you a synopsis of what was to come and an overview of what the Magna Carta was, which naturally leads to one of my favourite parts of the exhibition. It was not just an exhibition of old documents and stuff, it included video, historical documents and books, cartoons or sketches, teeth and a thumb bone (I am still trying to get over this), interviews with modern leaders and experts in the area of law and history, pottery, figurines, a teapot, advertisements, posters, paintings, speeches, swords, presentations.  Oh my goodness it was such a mix of media and ways to learn that it reminded me of putting together an effective class for students who all learn differently, it hit all the notes necessary for auditory and visual learners although you really couldn’t touch anything for obvious reasons you still felt very connected.

I was very impressed with how the exhibition was put together in that it started with a history of King John: you found out who he was, something about the times he lived and what led to the development of the Magna Carta, and were taken right through to the recent uses of the Magna Carta and what it means to current users and some influential people. Not being too keen on History (or so I thought) the fluidity (best word I could think of) of the presentation of materials and information was excellent, natural as it little by little developed your interest in the topic and keep that interest to the end. However, by the end of the exhibition, what felt like a comfortable hour and a half or so I was a little overwhelmed with so much information but it was certainly a good overwhelmed.

Another thing that stood out but had nothing to do with the exhibition really was the frequent use of an F for S in older documentation for instance the US Bill of Rights heading spelt Congress Congrefs. I noticed this again at the British Museum the following day it makes for interesting reading of documents if you try to understand what they were saying. It was also fun trying to muddle through the other spellings and writings of other documentation. Although honestly, I think I was just so happy to get to documentation that was in English so I could read and understand it rather than read the notes and look at the pictures on the side that I would have noticed anything, lol.

Finally, in a separate exhibition area, there was an embroidery piece by Cornelia Parker based on the Wikipedia page about the Magna Carta. This piece was embroidered by a number of persons throughout the justice system as well as members of the Embroiderer’s Guild (such as the picture on the left). This meant that like Wikipedia the embroidery was completed by many so the piece consisted of the thoughts of many and was embroidered by many who are impacted by the Magna Carta. What an interesting concept …

Another time where I learned something about myself, my environment and interestingly history, excellent!  I think the lesson I learned (again) was not to dismiss things before I experience them (well some things); as they may surprise me. 

I stopped singing

Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have - life itself 

~Walter Anderson~

There have been a number of things or themes that have crossed my mind over the last few months to blog about and I am not sure that I can separate them all but I will try to. So here it goes…

It is alarming to think that you can be totally unaware that you are unhappy until someone says something to you that lets you know that your behaviour has changed. I walked through the hallway one day and a lady who I didn’t even think noticed when I passed her door sometimes said to me; Are you okay Tara? I have not heard you singing in the hallways as much recently and you don’t seem yourself. Now that is not in quotation marks because with my memory the words may not be exact but just what the essence of it was. She shocked me! She made me stop to think and more than anything else she made me determined to start singing again.

During that period where I was feeling a little lost and unhappy a number of things happened; I started spending more time at home, immobile, more time watching rubbish that didn’t in any way move me and I stopped singing. I stopped singing. Well, come on, I went to rehearsals, I kept working and kept doing all the things that I thought were important. But so many things changed, I wasn’t reaching out to people anymore, I called home, I had conversations, I think I snapped at people more, my patience just wasn’t there. I wonder if people were giving me a wide berth and just thinking well we are certainly seeing her true side now. I stopped singing. I didn’t have the energy to cook, I didn’t have the appetite for food in the first place, it was so hard to get up and go. I stopped singing. It took a random person who I only say hi and howdy to occasionally to point out to me that I stopped singing.

How do you not see it? How do you not want to feel the difference in yourself? How do you sometimes fool yourself that no one notices any changes in your behaviour? I remember clearly one Saturday afternoon thinking, I should really leave home, I haven’t moved from here since Thursday. I had been very productive, I had sections of the chapter that I was working on finished but I had not left my flat in days. And those were gorgeous days and we don’t have many of those so I really should have enjoyed them. How did all that happen?

This certainly wasn't what I thought this blog was going to be about , but it is where it ended up. I want to say thanks to so many people for just being there during this time, those who didn't push, those who gave me a wide berth, those who just listened to me bitch whenever I needed to and certainly those people who took the most abuse and suffered through the tears as I pulled myself out of my funk, you all know who you are. But I also want to say a special thanks to that sweet lady who took the time to say that I had stopped singing. I stopped singing! 

Heaven knows, in fact everyone who has been in a funk, dealing with death or any number of emotions, thoughts, feelings or the inability to get going for whatever reason knows that recovering is not instantaneous. But the other day I caught myself humming as I walked down the hallway so I think I am getting there, slowly. 

If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced. 

~Vincent Van Gogh~

Don't cry for me

Don't cry for me

Don't shed a tear

The time I shared with you will always be

And when I'm gone, please carry on

Don't cry for me 

~Lyrics - Don't cry for me ~ performed by Cece Winans~

One day it will be my turn

One day there will be no more me

But until that day comes I have to watch as people have their turn. I watch and wonder when people just are no longer there. No longer there laughing, smiling, crying or eating maple almond ice cream by the truck loads. It’s hard to watch; it’s hard to lose people; and it is really hard to say goodbye when you really don’t understand. I wonder about life, death, what it all means and selfishly I wonder when it will be my turn and what will be said about me. I think about what I loved most about that person, what impact they had on my life and what lessons I can learn from them. I try to assimilate the good and focus on them being out of pain or going to a better place, but how do I know that? Then the calls and visits start and all of the usual things will be said: “it was her time”; “when the Lord calls you”; “she is in a better place”; and … I can’t even remember the others right now. You are grateful for the support, hateful of the intrusion and sorry for feeling like a wretch because it isn’t you that is gone.

I have read blogs on loss. I have experienced loss and as I get older I will continue to experience it but no matter what, when or how, I will never know exactly what is expected of me or how I should feel, what I should say or do. I read other thoughts or listen to other people who have experienced loss and feel torn, hurt and small but I still don’t know what I feel. I am one of those people who did not experience loss early in life; I had all of my grandparents and a great grandparent until I was 21. So I was used to having everyone around and did not understand friends or acquaintances in school that had no parents, or lost someone they were close to. I couldn’t understand the grief or the pain. You think as you get older you will begin to understand or that having more time with them will make it easier but honestly, for me, I don’t get it yet and I do not think loss at any time is easy to swallow.

One day they are there, the next day they aren’t. Is it worse when you know it is coming or when it is totally unexpected? Is it better when you were not that close or when they meant everything to you? Do I just keep going to work? Do I give in and be an emotional wreck for a while and then move on? How do I express how I feel to others? How do I give support to family when they need it when I am not even certain how I feel? How in goodness name does anyone bury a child? How do you bury a parent? How do you move on? What do I feel?

This link  Don't cry for me - Cece Winans will lead you to the song that I turn to at times like this and are the lyrics referred to in the "quote". 

Helplessness

It is hardly possible to build anything if frustration, bitterness and a mood of helplessness prevail. 

~Lech Walesa~

It is a rather immobilising feeling: helplessness. Immobilising because there is just nothing you can do and nothing seems right to say. It is uncomfortable, disheartening and yeah I know I have said it already but immobilising. You don’t know if to turn left or right or just curl up in the foetal position and cry.

I have previously lauded the great things about being away from home: enjoying new experiences, widening your own knowledge, challenging yourself to be successful away from the comforts of home. I am sure I have at some point in time mentioned some of the drawbacks: not being able to find the foods you want (black cake and pudding and souse for example) especially if you do not have the skills to cook them yourself and not being able to pop in by your granny for a bite to eat – why do they all seem so food focused? But I have never experienced this helplessness before or maybe just not as much as I have recently.

It has been a strange time for my family recently, that sort of time where everyone either pulls together or apart. You can only imagine that my cell phone bill is way up as I try to do the only thing I can in the situation because I am so bloody far and that is, just listening as everyone has their say or expresses their own feelings. But I can’t do anything else! I can’t get up and run over to help anyone, I can’t hold anyone’s hand or give them any other form of physical support like a hug. All I can do is listen, and I do not recall in my recent past ever feeling so damn helpless.

It hurts! And that hurt spreads; it spreads from just listening to dwelling on what you can’t do, what you can’t provide and it makes you feel inadequate; helpless. It spreads to every other facet of your life and immobilises you as you try to do the things you are supposed to but you can’t seem to stop thinking about everything else that is going on. All of your own problems: the inability to write, the lack of direction and the loneliness just seem so petty in the face of everything else that is happening to your family that you just stop.

But who do I tell how I feel? I hate burdening people with my own worries especially when each person you know has their own battles to fight. I hate feeling like every single time I open my mouth it is to complain about a situation or sound like I am the only person in trouble because I know that it is so not true. I miss sharing. I miss those days that I knew I could sit with friends and share. Share the good and the bad, the ridiculous and the onerous, the achievements and the setbacks, the past, present and dreams for the future. It is hard feeling helpless, and maybe just a little harder is feeling helpless and alone.