Three encounters ... #1 ...You're sexy

I just got one last thing, I urge all of you, to enjoy your life, the precious moments you have. To spend each day with some laughter and some thought, to get your emotions going.

~Jim Valvano~

On a much lighter note, the next three blogs will be based on three encounters I have had since my arrival in the UK.

 

#1 - You're Sexy

On my last sojourn in the UK, I came away feeling quite unattractive or maybe that I should step up my game, largely because I have few (if any) memories of being approached by available men who I was in turn attracted to. So the decision to return was not a light one for my fragile ego… but I digress. Let’s get to the fun part of the story.

Walking back to the flat from the nearby gym, on the first and only Sunday that I attended that establishment, I heard something like a shuffle behind me and being a woman walking alone I looked around. I looked around so that I knew exactly what was going on around me and I wouldn’t be surprised when it got nearer as the noise was not that close yet. I saw a man, shuffling, dragging his feet on a Sunday morning. My quick assessment was oh it’s just a guy on his way home from a really good night of drinking. My look and assessment, in my opinion, was quite brief but having established what was going on behind me, I kept walking home.

The shuffler spoke (to my surprise). “Good morning (or was it hi?)”, and the good manners that was drummed into me and a good dose of that feeling of don’t aggravate the drunk by being rude dictated that I answer, so I replied.

“Good morning.”

“Would you like to come over to mine for a cup of tea?” Please note that I heard this question, replayed it slower in my mind to understand it and it still made no sense. But I definitely knew the answer.

 “No, thank you.”

“Can I have your number?” This conversation (was it really happening?) was getting stranger by the minute so I sped up my walk a little.

“No, I’m sorry”

During this entire episode I was trying to look as though I wasn’t worried and this was all very normal on a Sunday morning (non-threatening is the word that comes to mind, but is it a word?)

 “Okay, I think you’re sexy” he said as he walked away.

It would be remiss of me not to mention that I looked like crap in my opinion, in a big track pants and a jacket covering my sweaty gym clothes. No one could discern anything about body shape about me. But that is what he said … you’re sexy. I think I made it as far as the flat before I started to laugh, shake my head, and wonder “did that really just happen?”

 

Are you homesick yet?

You know wha yuh got not wha yuh gine get

In other words; you know what you have and not what you will get 

 On several occasions over the last few weeks I have been asked: are you homesick yet?

Am I homesick yet?

The definition of homesick according to the Merriam Webster Dictionary is: “sad because you are away from family and home”.

So… am I homesick yet?

There is a comfort to being close to family, and being in the environment within which you were raised. There is a pattern, a rhythm, an ease to everything because you already know or have a good idea of what will happen in most situations.

So essentially what I am being asked is if I miss the pattern, if I am sad because I miss the comfort of being near to everyone who loves me.

 

Do I miss waking up to the sun shining through the window, or waking up to go running outside when the rain didn’t fall? Do I miss being able to get into my own car and drive to my mum’s, dad’s or grandmother’s house and getting something to eat or just to have a chat? Do I miss the comfort of knowing that I will see familiar faces with smiles from those who know, love, like or just see me every day?

I can’t go sit at my favourite desks in the office and gossip with the girls. I can’t call my brother when I feel sick and know that he will be there within moments. I can’t call my girls and sit and chat with them for minutes or hours according to the time or the topic. I just don’t have the comfort of home.

 

I do miss all of those things; I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t. I especially miss knowing that if I don’t cook, I can always find free food (lol). But if I use the dictionary definition I am not homesick because I am not sad because I miss them. The memories make me smile, they make me feel warm (thank goodness) never sad.  

As I look out of the window and look at this new environment, with its pretty leaves, regular buses, and different people, I know that what I do have is an opportunity. I have an opportunity to rise to a new challenge and create a new pattern.

 

What’s the lesson? What did I learn?

Before I left home a colleague said to me that they never intended to really go too far away from home despite an amazing opportunity they had at the time. My only conclusion after that discussion was that they were worried about being homesick or afraid to leave that comfort.

Let the comfort of home be just that, a comfort on the lonely days. Let home always make you smile. Don’t let fear of the unknown stop you from grasping opportunities that can make you a better, more rounded, more experienced person.

I hope that as you read you realise that this lesson does not only apply to persons who are looking to leave country. Grasping opportunities could be big or small, simple or monumental, but they will always be your opportunities. The unknown for each of us is different.

 

 

 

 

Adding to the knowledge, not the bulk

And mind me with each step I am more certain
Everything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can all be mine
They'll have to agree I have confidence in me

~ lyrics from I have Confidence in me, The Sound of Music ~

This blog is completely out of order, but this event was impactful enough that it had to be posted...

 

Having just attended the welcome reception for the new PhD students, I feel a little overwhelmed and maybe a little energized. No, the better word is inspired. This does not mean that the presentation was not weighty, overwhelming and somewhat daunting. 

It just says that one of the points made in the presentation stuck with me. That point was that we, as PhD. students, can produce one of two types of theses: (1) one that adds to the bulk of theses or (2) one that adds to the knowledge of our area and adds to the world of business as well. I feel inspired to be one of the latter. I feel energized to add to the knowledge and not to the bulk.  I want to, after his discussion, make a (dare I say it …) ‘significant’ contribution.

So on the one hand I want to do well, and want to add something  (here is that word again) ‘significant’ to the body of knowledge but then he also spoke about all these other things that did make me think twice about whether or not I had what was needed to be successful in this endeavour.

For instance, the personality traits that I would need to be successful were itemised. Indeed, nothing was sugar coated. I understood that it would be a long, lonely road, where I will often have to look to myself for motivation and drive. But I also understood that it could be achieved, if I was open minded, listened to those who were there to help me and stood firm and focused.

I start this journey with some trepidation but I also start it with a determination that I must succeed.
 

Ahhhhh (not a scream but a sigh) …

It’s so scary to think that you start something and can’t finish it. It takes a high level of confidence to be absolutely certain that no matter what comes your way you will overcome, persevere and shine. Although you can’t always be too sure, you shouldn’t always be too cocky, because sometimes a good dose of nervousness not only keeps you humble but it keeps you on your toes.  

 

...What's next?

 

The Interview ... OMG!!

~I've always considered myself to be just average talent and what I have is a ridiculous insane obsessiveness for practice and preparation.~

Will Smith

 

 



Where to even start?

Well, as I said in 'First', this all started when I decided that I wanted a PhD. After that, there were so many questions running through my head:

• Should I try to work and complete the PhD?
• Should I complete it at UWI?
• How do you even chose a PhD program?
• What exactly do I want to research?
• Who is the expert in my area?
• Who is doing the cutting edge research in my area?
• If I do leave and complete this PhD, where do I want to go? UK? US? Europe?
• How the hell am I going to afford a PhD?

Long story short (I could be blogging forever if I went through each of these questions), I started doing my research to answer these questions. I then became a little more settled, a little more focused and started applying for a few scholarships with a plan and positive attitude.

After this research (well maybe during the research)  I settled on a university that I was keen on in the UK and applied for a scholarship they were offering. You cannot imagine how happy I was when I received an email saying that I would be having an interview, which would be the final stage before they determined the persons who would be awarded the scholarship. The date was set, the venue was to be Skype (couldn't fly to the UK for an interview) and I still had a plan and a positive attitude.

The day of the interview!

I woke up nervous, and had a few questions that I wanted to ask the interviewers running through my mind, so I wrote them down. I did not think I needed to prepare for questions like: What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? Rather, I was more prepared for: Why do you want to complete a PhD? Why did you choose your particular area of interest?  Why did you choose this university? What do you have to offer?

I had practiced them on my own, I had practiced with a friend. I had done them in point form, in long form. I dreamt about them. I was ready!

 

I had a plan and a positive attitude.

I got dressed, went for my favourite comfort food breakfast at the time (a ham and cheese croissant and a lemonade) and drove down to campus two hours before the interview was scheduled to start. I got to the office and set up my netbook which was to be for Skype only; hooked it up to the internet and turned on my office PC. The office PC was for the documents I had sent in with my application: CV, PhD proposal and the like. I also had my notebook with the questions I wanted to ask.  I opened all of my documents, laid out the notebook and decided to have a trial run. Oops, I forgot to mention; I also had my cell phone with Skype already loaded as a back up.

I started my trial run and had a minor hitch. The Skype would not work on the netbook. It did however, very conveniently, tell me why it wouldn't work and so, I fixed that problem. It still wouldn't work, so I tried something else and I kept trying until I realised the netbook and Skype just were not going to work.

So not panicking yet, I tried the cell phone (it was there for back up) and that wouldn't work either. I moved out of the office and I tried it somewhere else. I did everything I could think of and none of these two tools would work. 

The time for the interview just seemed to be getting nearer and nearer and I was panicking a little now. I decided to call and let the interviewers know that I would be unable to do a video call, because of technical difficulties, but I would be able to do a voice interview. The call was not answered, so I sent a Skype message. Having done that, and now satisfied that I had tried everything possible, I sat and mentally prepared for a voice call. It was now only a few minutes before the scheduled start and I needed to be calm to do a good job.

The electricity went off! OMG!!!!!!

I will not sugar coat it. I was in full panic mode now but I wanted this scholarship and I was going to do this interview. So I called a friend and we hatched a hasty plan for me to drive to their office to do the interview on a borrowed computer .  

I won't go into details of the driving over sidewalks that would make this story too dramatic and you would begin to think I was exaggerating.

I arrived at my friend's office and did not have time for an elaborate setup. I just signed into Skype, (by this time I had missed 4 Skype calls on the phone that would not work) found the headphone jack, (after several minutes and worry) and started.

To this day I cannot tell you what I said in this interview. I have no recollection of the next 11 minutes but I can tell you I called my mother crying like a baby afterwards because there was no way in my mind that I could have been successful.

I decided the following morning that despite my terrible interview, and since I had no idea if I had apologised for the late start or explained why, I should send the interviewers a thank you email and explanation. So, I did. I also started looking for other opportunities because despite this setback I would get my PhD.

Three days later when I received an email saying that I was successful, and  "congratulations on your excellent application and performance in the interview" I was again in tears. I thanked God, I called my mum, I called my friends and I continued to cry but I also now had a new plan and an even more positive attitude.

My opinion after meditation

There is no way that I could have performed in that interview if I was not prepared, if I did not know my material and if I was not passionate about what I wanted and why.

The line from the song that comes to mind is: nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever could.

...What's next?

 

 

First ...

 

~By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is bitterest.~

Confucius

 

 



 

One definition of reflection according to the Merriam Webster dictionary is a thought, idea or opinion formed or a remark made as a result of meditation.

 

I would like to believe that through this blog, I will share the thoughts, ideas and opinions I form after I reflect on my many experiences but I am sure that is not what it will always be. Granted, sometimes I will; I will let you know exactly how I feel and what I learnt from an experience. But there will be times when I will leave it up to the reader to make their own decision, create their own ideas and learn their own lessons.

 

I also do not anticipate that I will focus on any one area of my life. This blog will not focus on my experiences as a teacher or musician (can I say that about me?) or my experiences as a female, but rather, it will be a muddle of the many experiences no matter what sphere of my life they come from.

 

But what prompted little ole' me to start a blog? 

 

What should be an easy answer isn't always, but the simplest answer to that question is: I decided to do a PhD. I decided that if I wanted to be successful in my chosen field it would be necessary for me to have a PhD behind my name. Almost at the same time I decided that if I was to have this qualification, there was no way I was going to be able to pay for it.

 

So maybe I will have a focus, but that focus will be on what has happened since that momentous decision and the ensuing experiences.

 

This was first... What's next?