Looking for participants - Detailing my criteria

Data, I think is one of the most powerful mechanisms for telling stories. I take a huge pile of data and I try to get it to tell stories. 

~Steven Levitt~

A little background
I am in the more exciting part of my PhD process; the data collection phase. Well I guess I should say that it is the more exciting part of the process for me, but why it is exciting for me is another blog which is currently off to the editor. 

At this first stage of my data collection, I am having short chats with persons about why they engage in activities with service brands online. That seems simple enough to me, because all you ever hear is how much time everyone spends online. Well let me tell you that finding persons that meet my very interesting criteria is not as easy as it sounds. It proves especially difficult when I start to get confused about who I am looking for (shame). My confusion leads to more confusion and therefore leads to interviews with delightful people who I really want to include in my study but who get the no no no from my supervisor. My poor supervisor, who is of late having a dandy time trying to keep my enthusiasm from sweeping me along with the tide :) 

This blog is therefore a simple way for me to let you guys know who I would like to chat with.  Honestly, the chats are not too long, pretty painless and can be done face to face or online if we are too far apart or if it is more convenient, according to the wants and needs of the individual. 

The criteria

So... I am looking for individuals who are: 

• Active on Facebook and/or Twitter 
• Follow or like service brands such as hotels, restaurants, pubs, bars, salons etc
• Tweet about any service brands using their handle and/or
• Post to any service brand's Facebook page

Unfortunately I am not looking for individuals who: 

• are Active Bloggers
• are Professional Reviewers
• only Check in at locations on Facebook or Instagram without any other interaction

Like I said, I know it is not the easiest to follow so I have a few pics to illustrate what I mean. 

An appropriate tweet can look like the pic to the left here.

While an example of an appropriate post on Facebook would appear on the service brand's Facebook page. It would fall under the posts to page section on the left of the Facebook page as circled in the following illustration. It could also appear in the reviews section of the service brand's Facebook page also circled in the accompanying illustration.

If you meet this criteria, or you have a friend who meets this criteria and is willing to have a chat with me whether face to face or online please contact me using the following information:

Email address: tara.goddard@strath.ac.uk
Twitter Handle: @taraagoddard

I am happy to speak to anyone who speaks English and meets the criteria that I have tried to clearly outline in this blog!

As the challenges of my PhD journey continue, I try to collect the data that will allow me to tell the stories of the customer...

 

Keep on trucking

No one wants to drown. Drowning would be the worst. Cause everyone knows that feeling. That feeling, oh it's the worst...when you think you're drowning. 
~Dane Cook~

It is sometimes very difficult to keep yourself going and yet there are other times when getting everything done seems to be a breeze. Well…maybe not a breeze but for some reason no matter how hard you have to push you find the energy, determination and commitment to see it done.  This is so not one of those times. I am tired; just back from two weeks off and tired. This review process is depressing.

In recent reports on this very blog, Tara claimed, and I emphasise “CLAIMED” that she found some direction. Stupse! What direction? I feel like I am soundly back in a rudderless boat but now it is even more urgent that I find the damn oars to set me on the correct path. This is SECOND year!! Fretting about this is not going to make it better though and neither is feeling betrayed. What I need is a good dose of self- motivation and drive to set me on the right path. But it nah easy! It’s just not easy to keep being tossed back in the water after putting in what you deemed to be a significant effort.

I feel like I have given a lot; a lot of time, a lot of thought and a lot of frigging reading and effort into knowing what my research is about and determining what my overall aim is but you go to the review session and boom! All that effort, all that time, all that energy feels like it was a waste. I want to believe that I have learnt something from it; I want to believe that this is all part of the process and that it can only get better. I really want to believe all of that but I have no proof. None! What I have is a sinking feeling that it will never come together; the conceptual model, the research aims, research questions, research objectives, hypotheses whatever they should be, I just can’t seem to put my finger on them. It feels hopeless, I feel helpless, I want to go home…*pouts*.

I know, I know, every time I feel like this, people, friends, colleagues all say: Don’t worry Tara, this is normal and you know you are smart enough to pull through this and do well in the end. I understand that they are all trying to be supportive and helpful and I want to believe them when they do say it, and goodness knows that I want it to be true. But this time I just don’t feel it. I am hoping my motivation comes again soon.

I promise I will pull myself out of the dumps at some point but isn’t it amazing how being determined (attitude) makes such a big difference?

Finding Direction

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go. 

~Dr. Seuss~ 

Semester Half

I am halfway through the new semester… AUGH!!! I am now a second year student in the PhD programme… AUGH!!! This really lends credence to the saying that time waits for no man.

There is that period in every journey where you are not quite sure where you are going but you are putting one foot blindly in front of the other hoping that you end up at the right destination. I thought that would be during my first year of the programme and that I would start stepping into some light in the second year , or at least be a little more sure of where I am going on this journey. JOKES!!! LOL!!! Apparently I will get to the end of the journey and still not be entirely sure where I was headed.

I have realised though that the PhD is just the means to an end, and further, it is a learning experience. Through this experience I am to gather enough confidence and some experience so that I can move forward with becoming a researcher, a lecturer, and an academic writer. In addition, I am gaining experience with how to chat with other academics to build a network. Does anyone remember a time when building a network wasn’t important in every profession?

So… the progress report:

I have “completed” the literature review. If you think back (way back), I was supposed to be more sure now about what my research questions are and what my focus will be. Well I am more confident about the direction, and goodness knows I am all read up. I am almost read out in fact, but am I more sure? Feeling more focused? Do I think that the steps are falling into place? Not quite, but I do feel a little more confident, so I still think I am headed in the right direction.

Semester End

In what can only be termed a turnaround, I have gone from having no direction, or a rather uncertain direction to having several options for where I am headed. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry; actually I lie! I know exactly what to do…I need to think and narrow those several directions down to a few which are in some way connected and form a cohesive plan forward. I am excited!!! There is no denying that. I may be hiding it well from those around me but I am excited (HAHA… Tara, are you good at hiding anything?). I am excited about what I am out to discover (a la Scuttle…let’s see which of you gets that reference). Ok, enough of the riddles.

My supervisor and I had decided that in addition to my literature, it would be beneficial for me to talk to a few people in the field to put out feelers in a sense. Since that decision, I have conducted two exploratory interviews and we have since had a chat. That discussion largely entailed deciding where I could go with my research based on what both the literature and the practitioners are telling me. This step, for me, is incredible, enlightening and hopefully one in the right direction. It makes me feel less lost and more like I made the right decision to pursue this qualification.

We all learn in a variety of ways: some learn through listening, others through seeing, some through doing and many with some combination of these three. I hope I got that right or the person who taught it to me will not be amused. I feel like this a learning through doing and seeing exercise, with a whole lot of listening thrown in. I am not only learning how to be a researcher by pursuing this PhD; I am learning the steps for developing a research project and writing it up (doing). But this is not a process I am going through alone because of a number of conversations (listening) with not only my supervisor but my colleagues, other lecturers within my department and those who visit for useful seminars. I am learning from their expertise and experiences. And goodness knows I am certainly getting in a whole of reading and observing (seeing) as I go along... some days I never want to see another academic journal.

However, I think I am learning a lot more about myself in the process. I am sure that is a good thing; reflection and reflexivity are very important to growth and development. Although, I am sure, some days I really wish I didn’t have the alone time to do it, but that is another blog.

There is a review coming up in January… look forward to the blog after that. That will let you know if I really have found my direction or if I need to head right back to the drawing board.   

I know what I want to write ... BUT!!!

My writing process isn't a very organized thing~Chuck Palahniuck~

 There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewrite and bleed 

~Ernest Hemingway~

I cannot count the number of times I have sat in front of this computer's keyboard, with a number of academic papers scattered next to me, in folders, across the desk and on the floor with various notes in the margins; papers attached with further notes and a lot of thoughts swimming around in my mind and said … I know what I want to say BUT … ARGH!!!!

But wait Tara … Haven’t you done everything? Laid out a structure for the chapter, done all the reading, know what the major points are, who said them, who reiterated them, who disagreed with them, and what it is that needs to be said, what the story of your chapter is? So why in goodness name is nothing moving from your mind to the damn screen? I hate staring at a screen with no words on it… JUST WRITE!!! How many times have I heard that? … come on Tara you know what  you want… you KNOW IT … you have READ IT… you know your perspective, that is in your notes … SO WRITE THE DAMN THING!!! ARGH!!!! What’s the holdup … honestly?

There are some days that knowing the deadline you are working towards and the number of words you need to write per day to meet that deadline just do not help when nothing moves from mind to paper. This being a prime example, rather than writing my chapter, I had to take a few moments out to just get all of this negative energy and stuff that is stopping me … out!! But what exactly is it? I feel like I am fighting through a mire of my own making… It is just fear, I know that; I do not want to acknowledge it, but the overwhelming fear of not meeting the deadline, not writing what is important and missing something significant or just being substandard can be immobilizing. Sometimes even knowing what routine works for me and applying and/or just trying something different to see if that sparks anything are just not enough to get past the fear.

Well here I go again … off to the literature review (a couple thousand words yuh know) that scares the living daylights out of me. Let’s see if something that makes sense comes out this time. 

P.S... I don't drink coffee but everything else about this comic is pretty accurate. Yes I know ... how is it that I don't drink coffee?

A PhD… Seriously …Whose idea was this anyway?

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be research would it?

~Albert Einstien~

It still amazes me how exhausted I am after a meeting with my supervisor.  At the end of one of these meetings, even if they were not to go over my writing, I feel like a deflated balloon. I wonder sometimes if it is only because I work myself up into a good little lather before the meeting actually happens. No matter how much preparation I put in, or how much Soca I listen to before to relax, or the number of attempts I make to get a good night’s sleep, I still end up in the office before 8 looking over one more thing, a little nervous as I walk through the door (with numerous papers and sometime a diagram or two) and I most likely leave with a tension headache.

Now please don’t get it in your head that my supervisor is a bad sort; he is a kind, knowledgeable person and offers a sympathetic even empathetic ear always… BUT!!! I want to feel more sure when I step in and out of his office. Since the change in my topic (even before that but since then it is so much worse) I have felt like I am floundering. The proposal I wrote was so clear, and it was so well-defined to me then: what I wanted to examine, what questions I wanted to answer and there was even some clarity on the methods I would use to answer those questions. I was comfortable with the literature and had a clear structure in my mind that would lead me where I was going. Now with this new topic, I am not as familiar with the literature and just not as sure where I am going. I have a vague plan but I will not be more certain, confident or comfortable (look at that 3Cs) until I am more familiar with the literature, know what has already been done and where my work will fit into the larger scheme of things. There are some days that that task seems so overwhelming and those days seem to culminate or begin with that meeting with my supervisor.

Although I always leave with a clearer direction and another few questions answered, I also feel an overwhelming urge to curl up in the foetal position or just lie down and relax… I am not telling the full truth; I leave with an overwhelming urge to have chips with lots of ketchup and salt, good chicken wings or a well prepared steak and a very yummy dessert (tiramisu or chocolate cake top that list) and then curl up in the foetal position or lie down. So now that I am trying hard not to overindulge and the deadlines I have set for myself are right around the corner I need to roll out of this post meeting misery a little faster.

I have heard and I believe that at the end of the literature review, I will be in a much better position. I will be more sure (please note not absolutely certain) of what my new research questions are, and with those, hopefully, a lot more will fall into place like my new research methods, the types of companies that fit my research criteria and the best way to tackle the next chapter.

A PhD… Seriously …Whose idea was this anyway?

Back to the Grind

Never make your home in a place. Make a home for yourself inside your own head. You'll find what you need to furnish it - memory, friends you can trust, love of learning, and other such things. That way it will go with you wherever you journey. 

~Tad Williams~

I was more scared to come back to Glasgow this time... isn’t that weird? Last time I didn’t know where I was going to live, if I had enough money, wasn’t quite sure where anything was in relation to where I would settle or how I would eat… but it was an adventure. I was anxious but not as scared as I was when I recently came back. This time I do know where I am living, I do know where everything is and I have a kind of routine that should comfort me coming back…then why was I so scared?

I guess I should have started with the fact that I went home to Barbados for a LONG while and now I am back in Glasgow and my mind is again filled with ALL the work that I have to do to complete this PhD programme. I feel like I was on vacation for only three weeks though, as I spent the first three weeks of my return; working, teaching, preparing for my annual review via Skype (let us not even talk about that this toss), preparing my examination and being caught up in UWI. But boy did I pack in some action in those three weeks that I was mentally on break!!! AHHHH!!!!

I went to Pink Star with the girls (no livers for me though), Cooler Vibes with my crew (put yah hands on your knees and push it back), Scrawl up (twice) with both the girls and the crew and made new friends (destroyed my knee), Champers with the crew (had to wear my nice dress and tall shoes at least once). I visited Farley Hill (it never feels like I was home unless I do), Folkestone Marine & Heritage Park (they fixed the fence), Miami Beach (had lemonade at Mr. Delicious’ Snack Bar), Oistins (I had excellent fish at Fred’s Bar but I never got my fried pork chop), Carib Beach Bar (which closed while I was there; excellent calamari!!… sigh…). I didn’t make it to Bathsheba or a number of other places that I normally would have though.

I enjoyed the heat, the rain, the vibes, the music, the company, the sea breeze, the sea, the beaches, the food… I enjoyed being home. I think that is why I felt like crying on my way back. I wasn’t going to go to Cheffete Warrens (to eat what Tara?) and bump into several people I know and have nice catch up conversations. I wasn’t going to be able to pick up my beach chair and set it up at Folkestone and lie under a tree and read. I wasn’t going to be able to pick up my goddaughter and take her out to the park to colour in the sun or have a little picnic. Nah! Those days were over.

I was headed back to days of reading academic articles and trying to make enough sense of them that I could write my literature review. Honestly, I think I needed the break, I think I feel more ready and certainly more determined to do well… BUT!!! I am going to miss home.

Looming deadlines ...Changing topics... Groan

It doesn’t only feel like a long time since I wrote a blog; it has been a long time since I wrote a blog. I assure you that it isn’t because I have not been having experiences that can be shared, it is just that I have not had the time or energy to sit and write one. But I have written several in my head, so maybe it’s not just time and energy I lack but that extra something that makes me want to share. There is the one about the trip to Lincoln with the Chamber Choir that was eye-opening, a riot and a wonderful experience all wrapped up into one. There is also the one about locking myself out of the flat … that still makes me smile, although at first it was downright hilarious. And there is definitely the one about feeling like all my deadlines are bearing down on me and I am never going to finish anything on time. So which one am I going to write for you today… hmmm? Honestly I am free-writing and not sure where it will all lead.

It’s going to have to be the deadlines isn’t it?  Sigh ... So everyone says that a part of the PhD process is changing your topic.

Two weeks later? Three?

Well I wrote that section of this blog two weeks ago or was it three so you can imagine that I am definitely not sure what will come out now… but isn’t it amazing how reading something you wrote leads you right back to the feeling…hmmm. So everyone says that part of the PhD process is changing your topic or focus. Indeed, some people say that when you hand in the damn thing you are still uncertain of your contribution to the literature and exactly what you did. It appears that it is all about the journey, the learning and the becoming a researcher…hmmm… that is what this PhD thing is really about.

All of this talk and the reassurances from people who have been there are supposed to make you feel better, and honestly they really make you feel less alone but I am discovering something about myself. I do not work well when I do not know where I am going. I am a girl who likes her structure. This does not mean that I am not open to detours, what I am realising it means that I manage uncertainty with some sort of process and when that process, structure or even the goal is elusive I get antsy.

So imagine how I feel now, after eight months (well it was seven when it happened) and I find out that what I have been working towards all this time does not quite seem feasible and I need to change my focus. I FEEL LOST!!! I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to read, I don’t know where to turn and again… damn it … AGAIN I feel like chucking it all in. I am assured that I am not alone in this feeling either and I am pushing ahead but not knowing where I am pushing to. Seems like what your grandmother would tell you is ‘spinning top in mud’, or for others, going around in circles.

Amidst this riotous feeling of loss and my subsequent floundering I completed the final step in that Certificate in Research that I have been talking about by doing the Advanced Qualitative Methods course and it came with two assignments… woohoo!! So two assignments, a deadline for a chapter to give to my supervisor (which may not be needed because of the change), the ever looming date for my annual review (which is the more formal and serious one) and the fact that I have so little time to get everything done all wrapped up with the correcting of assignments, meeting with students who needed clarification of their grades and feedback, and my brain and body just shut down. All the good eating habits, all the exercising, all the structure I had put into my life to help me cope and achieve my goals just went kaput. Sigh…GROAN!!! UUUHHH!!!!

Throughout this struggle, I had so much support it is amazing and one of those voices of support kept telling me something very similar to the following quote. I am glad she was there to constantly chat with me by Skype, to whisper or shout encouraging words and to listen while I rambled on about my chapter and its structure and what I wanted to say and how it was not coming out right.

Dream small dreams. If you make them too big, you get overwhelmed and you don't do anything. If you make small goals and accomplish them, it gives you the confidence to go on to higher goals.

~ John H. Johnson~

So here I am … starting anew… lol. I finished that first chapter and submitted it, I finished correcting all the assignments, all the meetings with students and I attended all the classes; I am nearly finished the assignments for submission (yes only nearly) and I am starting to see myself when I look into the mirror now. So my focus and determination are coming back slowly and you know what ... I am going home! Maybe that is just what I need to help me recharge and refocus (and not to mention melt in the heat).

By focusing on one hurdle at a time and not obsessing on the bigger picture, I was able to make small strides daily. 200 words a day became 500 words without me realising and I think I peaked at 1500 one day (was it more?) and was so fussy you could not imagine. I will tell you the other stories later; I feel like I should say something more profound now to wrap up the lesson, but I know you got it.  For those at home … See you soon!!! 

Fighting to reach the destination

All you need is the plan, the road map, and the courage to press on to your destination. 

~Earl Nightingale~

Feeling lost doesn’t always mean that you cannot find your way on the street. Sometimes it means you cannot find your way in your mind. But isn’t it wonderful when everything starts to clear up and you cannot only see the streets in your mind and the direction that you must take, but the destination? The thing is that despite finding it all, there will always be days when you will feel lost all over again, and the only thing that will keep you going is the moment when you could see the destination. 

After that first review, I felt lost. I felt like a fraud that had no right pursuing a PhD. Who the hell was I to even be here? How did I even get this scholarship? The only thing I could see at that point, with any clarity, was the need to run and hide; the need to lick my wounds and figure out how to give them their money back and go home. You know what held me together, besides the emotional eating, and the time to think? A hug …. A hug for which I am supremely grateful, and to add to that there was also the memory of the destination, my destination, and why it is so important to me.

Everyone tells you that pursuing a PhD is a lonely road and one that will test your resolve, confidence, intelligence and temerity.  So few people tell you how to survive it, and there is a simple reason why. No one person follows this path exactly the same way as another; we all have to find the gumption to make it there alone. What works for me may not work for you.

But does this fight only apply to the pursuit of a PhD?  Why should we, PhD candidates, feel special? Can’t you apply this to almost anything that is important to your life? What do you fight to protect? What is so important to you that it brings you to tears when you feel like it is slipping away from your grasp? What will you get up out of bed for and say… I can do this, no matter how hard, knowing that at the end of this I will have achieved something that is important to me?

This will not be the last time I feel lost, but I am damn sure I will fight like a dog till I get to the destination!

The First PhD Review ...

I made the decision to take on board the critical feedback. Reviews are something you can easily ignore as a performer or writer but I chose to not ignore them here and I think that I benefited. I think I'm stronger for it - and I have a tougher skin as a result. 

~Rufus Wainwright~

I can’t believe that I have been here six months!?! Has so much time passed already? Well the passing of six months means that I had my first PhD review.

Preparing for the review

You can imagine that leading up to the review, most of the first year PhD students were in a little bit of a panic; there were so many questions floating around. Who takes part in the first review? Is it only your two supervisors? What do you have to do? Do you need a slideshow? How long does it last? What do you really think is going to happen? The overriding feelings seemed to be fear of the unknown and worry that we hadn’t done enough for the review.  Now I think I am making assumptions as that may have just been how I felt… lol

Several of us consulted with second year PhD students who had been through all of this already, and they kept reiterating that we shouldn’t worry, it’ll be fine, your supervisors do not expect you to have completed the PhD at this stage; they just want to know what you have completed and they understand that it can change as you progress through the PhD.  Being uncertain at this stage is normal.

So I prepared a slideshow, typed up what I wanted to say to accompany the slides and practiced several times to make sure that I was comfortable with my material. That certainly did not prevent my stomach from hurting before the session was scheduled to begin, but it did make me feel prepared. I also prepared some questions that I had burning in my mind about my research.

During the review

Well, first, everyone but me was late. My second supervisor appeared to have forgotten that we were even supposed to have the session and my first supervisor got caught in a conference call. So you can imagine that my stomach was hurting worse by now and none of the false bravado that dressing up gave me (I decided to wear a skirt and a nice red top) was helping to settle my nerves. I went through the slideshow, forgot one or two things but I made it through and waited for the questions and suggestions.

I think the overriding point that was made is that I need to be more focused, be a lot more certain of exactly what it is that I am examining and want to discover through my research. Interestingly, this has been playing on my mind a lot recently.  I have been having an overwhelming feeling of reading without focus, which has been frustrating, upsetting and confusing all at the same time.

After the review

Well it’s done and over! Everyone that I spoke to seemed to have had a good session, gotten good feedback and was just pleased that they didn’t have to worry about it anymore. For me, the review put back in my mind how important obtaining this qualification is to me. It also demonstrated to me that I have to get a little stronger backbone, and be more ready to deal with any questions that come my way when it comes to my work. 

Research Philosophy ... OMG!!!!

I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then

~Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland~

The second module of the Certificate in Research was entitled Research Philosophy. Where do I even start?

Unlike the other course—Research Methods, from the Passion blog—we did not have an intense week of vignettes. Rather, this was an intense week of reading, self-reflection, and quite a lot of big words that were difficult to pronounce and sometimes understand. Of course there were still lecture sessions, but now they were three hours long and the group work never seemed to stop. I started the week a little worried as the course does have a rather odd reputation on campus. At the very least it is recognized as a necessary evil.

I was not impressed with the four pre-readings for two reasons: (1) there were four of them (I did have other work to do) and none of them a few pages long and (2) was I really supposed to understand them all? Now I love reading, especially things that catch my attention, I can relate to or are well written so I did get through two of them. But two paragraphs into the third one and I felt like Morpheus was trying to make me choose between the blue or red pill to see how far the rabbit hole went. Whoops! Just a tad too much for me!!  In addition to the pre-readings, when I looked at the schedule there appeared to be one or several readings for each session (talk about overload; I really felt like a student.)

I was therefore pleasantly surprised to enjoy the few sessions we had. Moreover, I really enjoyed the group sessions during the week. They allowed us (the students) to learn from each other, talk through what we had learnt, what we didn’t understand and kinda muddle through it together.

Now, about the teaching sessions in more detail… sigh. These sessions were thought provoking, interesting, befuddling at times and sometimes fun. Please do not think this story will have a typical ending i.e. expect poor session but it turned out to be great …no no no… this story has a totally different emphasis. Let me focus on the thought provoking part of the week. Have you ever asked yourself:

• ·         What is reality?
• ·         How do I view reality?
• ·         Are there multiple realities?
• ·         Does the reality of a situation change for the same person?
• ·         What is the truth?
• ·         How do I know that something is the truth?
• ·         Are there several truths?
• ·         Does the truth change according to the perspective of the viewer, thinker or individual?
• ·         Is the truth the same no matter whose point of view it is seen from?

These are the types of questions that were being tossed at us (almost carelessly) during that week. The answers to these questions, or rather our answers to these questions or our point of view would apparently make it easier for us to determine our philosophical positions as it relates to research.

Seriously?!? Who thinks about this stuff? Who wants to do this much self-examination? What was I doing here? Was getting a PhD supposed to make me examine myself and my beliefs? Even scarier: were these questions really that difficult? For some persons I am sure the answers would come very easily because everything in their lives is so clear-cut and sure. But right now, right then especially in the face of all these differing perspectives, what did I really think? What was I sure of? What did I believe?

What do you believe?

Sigh… all this thinking is exhausting. Anyway … the week went by, I believe I participated and I know I learnt something. Words like ontology, epistemology and methodology all became a little clearer; I even think I get interpretivism and positivism. Unfortunately that didn’t mean that I knew the answers to the hard questions or that I was ready to complete the assignment which essentially requires my answers by January.

What do you think? What is the truth?

Passion

Passion is energy. Feel the power from focusing on what excites you.

~Oprah Winfrey~

 

To complete my PhD I need to acquire some skill doing research which makes sense as it is a body of research. This translates in my programme to completing a Certificate or Diploma in Research, where the Certificate is 60 credits (bare minimum) and the Diploma is 120 credits (nuff work). The first module of this programme called Research Methods finished a few weeks ago and I want to share my observations, and maybe the major lesson.

The co-ordinators of the programme divided it into 12 vignettes (so English) of an hour and 50 minutes each over the week. A bit painful it seemed when I thought about it before, as it meant that we would be sitting in a classroom setting (groan) from 10 am till 6pm daily with reflective group work (really?) to wrap up each day. I did know though that it was a ‘necessary evil’ to complete my major goal, so I put on my happy face and my good attitude and I got ready for the week.

This programme also meant that I would get to meet and ‘socialise’ (maybe interact is a better word…hmmm…) with persons outside of my department as the programme was run by the Business School for all new PhD students, in addition to students completing a Masters in Research (wow). I was betting that they would not allow us to choose our groups but would place us in groups to force interaction so I was sure I would meet some new people.

Each vignette was presented by a Lecturer, Doctor, and Professor (your get my drift) of the Business School’s various departments: Strategy & Organisation, Human Resources, Management Science, Economics, Accounting and Finance, the Centre for Entrepreneurship etc. Each individual presented on a different research method that they used in their PhD work or that they are using in their current research, which meant that we were not discussing the method in isolation but in some context that illustrated how the method could be used and be useful.

Anyway my thoughts on the week:

• I am not a nerd! Some of the people that I met are so intellectual that they can seem intimidating. I was not sure that I could relate to them in my normal fashion, if you know what I mean, where my normal fashion means using small, simple words. (lol)
• I had great fun in some sessions, especially those that utilised active learning techniques and got us up and involved. One presentation I was involved in was especially fun as my team’s topic was about work and play and we tossed ‘a ball’ (wadded up paper) to each other as we spoke. Simple but effective!! ( I was petrified at first, I cannot catch to save my life, so I had the ball first)

• Some sessions were just not what I was expecting and the titles were very deceptive. For example, in the vignette entitled, Historical Methods and Perspective I was certainly not expecting to hear about Colonialism, Feminism and the like, although it did all make some sense in the end. 
• Lunch will be provided does not mean hot food (lol), something I am becoming very acquainted with in the UK. No rice and peas, no macaroni pie, no beef stew peeps. No! Lunch will be provided on a university budget means assorted sandwiches (not cheese paste and tuna… but sexy sandwiches), assorted pastries, cookies, juice, water, coffee and tea.

I think I am taking too long to get to the point.

There was one consistent trait with every presentation, and that was passion. Each presenter had a passion for the research method or the specific research they were discussing. Even the guy talking about an area that to me was more boring than dirt was smiling, animated and passionate about his research, his work and his PhD years or sometimes all of these. But that passion always shone through.

I highlight one individual who was such an inspiration in so many ways. (I don’t have their permission to talk about them so this will be slightly vague) With a first degree in a creative area, an MBA and a PhD, in addition to one of those truly mixed up backgrounds (born here, raised there, studied here, completed research there etc. etc.) the individual shone as an example that being true to yourself, your background and being passionate about your cause and research, no matter how different, can still lead to success in your chosen field.

So what I learnt, what my major lesson was (hmmm how do I put it) is: choose your work, research, (dare I mention them … relationships) and activities wisely because being passionate about whatever it is makes that much more difference. It makes you smile, it makes you animated, it makes you committed, it makes you a better presenter and it will see you succeed.

 

 

 

 

Adding to the knowledge, not the bulk

And mind me with each step I am more certain
Everything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can all be mine
They'll have to agree I have confidence in me

~ lyrics from I have Confidence in me, The Sound of Music ~

This blog is completely out of order, but this event was impactful enough that it had to be posted...

 

Having just attended the welcome reception for the new PhD students, I feel a little overwhelmed and maybe a little energized. No, the better word is inspired. This does not mean that the presentation was not weighty, overwhelming and somewhat daunting. 

It just says that one of the points made in the presentation stuck with me. That point was that we, as PhD. students, can produce one of two types of theses: (1) one that adds to the bulk of theses or (2) one that adds to the knowledge of our area and adds to the world of business as well. I feel inspired to be one of the latter. I feel energized to add to the knowledge and not to the bulk.  I want to, after his discussion, make a (dare I say it …) ‘significant’ contribution.

So on the one hand I want to do well, and want to add something  (here is that word again) ‘significant’ to the body of knowledge but then he also spoke about all these other things that did make me think twice about whether or not I had what was needed to be successful in this endeavour.

For instance, the personality traits that I would need to be successful were itemised. Indeed, nothing was sugar coated. I understood that it would be a long, lonely road, where I will often have to look to myself for motivation and drive. But I also understood that it could be achieved, if I was open minded, listened to those who were there to help me and stood firm and focused.

I start this journey with some trepidation but I also start it with a determination that I must succeed.
 

Ahhhhh (not a scream but a sigh) …

It’s so scary to think that you start something and can’t finish it. It takes a high level of confidence to be absolutely certain that no matter what comes your way you will overcome, persevere and shine. Although you can’t always be too sure, you shouldn’t always be too cocky, because sometimes a good dose of nervousness not only keeps you humble but it keeps you on your toes.  

 

...What's next?

 

The Interview ... OMG!!

~I've always considered myself to be just average talent and what I have is a ridiculous insane obsessiveness for practice and preparation.~

Will Smith

 

 



Where to even start?

Well, as I said in 'First', this all started when I decided that I wanted a PhD. After that, there were so many questions running through my head:

• Should I try to work and complete the PhD?
• Should I complete it at UWI?
• How do you even chose a PhD program?
• What exactly do I want to research?
• Who is the expert in my area?
• Who is doing the cutting edge research in my area?
• If I do leave and complete this PhD, where do I want to go? UK? US? Europe?
• How the hell am I going to afford a PhD?

Long story short (I could be blogging forever if I went through each of these questions), I started doing my research to answer these questions. I then became a little more settled, a little more focused and started applying for a few scholarships with a plan and positive attitude.

After this research (well maybe during the research)  I settled on a university that I was keen on in the UK and applied for a scholarship they were offering. You cannot imagine how happy I was when I received an email saying that I would be having an interview, which would be the final stage before they determined the persons who would be awarded the scholarship. The date was set, the venue was to be Skype (couldn't fly to the UK for an interview) and I still had a plan and a positive attitude.

The day of the interview!

I woke up nervous, and had a few questions that I wanted to ask the interviewers running through my mind, so I wrote them down. I did not think I needed to prepare for questions like: What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? Rather, I was more prepared for: Why do you want to complete a PhD? Why did you choose your particular area of interest?  Why did you choose this university? What do you have to offer?

I had practiced them on my own, I had practiced with a friend. I had done them in point form, in long form. I dreamt about them. I was ready!

 

I had a plan and a positive attitude.

I got dressed, went for my favourite comfort food breakfast at the time (a ham and cheese croissant and a lemonade) and drove down to campus two hours before the interview was scheduled to start. I got to the office and set up my netbook which was to be for Skype only; hooked it up to the internet and turned on my office PC. The office PC was for the documents I had sent in with my application: CV, PhD proposal and the like. I also had my notebook with the questions I wanted to ask.  I opened all of my documents, laid out the notebook and decided to have a trial run. Oops, I forgot to mention; I also had my cell phone with Skype already loaded as a back up.

I started my trial run and had a minor hitch. The Skype would not work on the netbook. It did however, very conveniently, tell me why it wouldn't work and so, I fixed that problem. It still wouldn't work, so I tried something else and I kept trying until I realised the netbook and Skype just were not going to work.

So not panicking yet, I tried the cell phone (it was there for back up) and that wouldn't work either. I moved out of the office and I tried it somewhere else. I did everything I could think of and none of these two tools would work. 

The time for the interview just seemed to be getting nearer and nearer and I was panicking a little now. I decided to call and let the interviewers know that I would be unable to do a video call, because of technical difficulties, but I would be able to do a voice interview. The call was not answered, so I sent a Skype message. Having done that, and now satisfied that I had tried everything possible, I sat and mentally prepared for a voice call. It was now only a few minutes before the scheduled start and I needed to be calm to do a good job.

The electricity went off! OMG!!!!!!

I will not sugar coat it. I was in full panic mode now but I wanted this scholarship and I was going to do this interview. So I called a friend and we hatched a hasty plan for me to drive to their office to do the interview on a borrowed computer .  

I won't go into details of the driving over sidewalks that would make this story too dramatic and you would begin to think I was exaggerating.

I arrived at my friend's office and did not have time for an elaborate setup. I just signed into Skype, (by this time I had missed 4 Skype calls on the phone that would not work) found the headphone jack, (after several minutes and worry) and started.

To this day I cannot tell you what I said in this interview. I have no recollection of the next 11 minutes but I can tell you I called my mother crying like a baby afterwards because there was no way in my mind that I could have been successful.

I decided the following morning that despite my terrible interview, and since I had no idea if I had apologised for the late start or explained why, I should send the interviewers a thank you email and explanation. So, I did. I also started looking for other opportunities because despite this setback I would get my PhD.

Three days later when I received an email saying that I was successful, and  "congratulations on your excellent application and performance in the interview" I was again in tears. I thanked God, I called my mum, I called my friends and I continued to cry but I also now had a new plan and an even more positive attitude.

My opinion after meditation

There is no way that I could have performed in that interview if I was not prepared, if I did not know my material and if I was not passionate about what I wanted and why.

The line from the song that comes to mind is: nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever could.

...What's next?